On a snowy November day, my daughter Kit and I were dividing up four boxes of Christmas tree ornaments. Kit, now living independently, wanted to decorate her own tree. Unpacking these decorations brought back memories of loss and grief for children who were no longer part of our holiday celebrations.
Over eight years, our family grew and shrank as we welcomed and said goodbye to 23 foster children. Most stays were temporary, but our two children came to us through adoption during that time. I was amazed that Kit remembered the stories behind each handmade ornament, even from makers she had never met. It surprised me to find out that her holiday memories differed from mine.
One box revealed a tree topper we received during our first Christmas together as newlyweds. As I held the cracked iridescent angel, memories of our failed marriage flooded back. Despite being held together by Krazy Glue, our relationship could not be repaired. I offered the angel to Kit, unsure if she would want it in its fragile state. Her eyes sparkled under her festive reindeer hat as she gladly accepted it.
As I opened another container, I found a Santa sleigh and reindeer ornament made by an eight-year-old boy we once fostered. He had crafted it from foam blocks and pipe cleaners at a Christmas party. Recalling the court battle that prevented him from becoming a permanent ward after five years in our care filled me with a mix of sorrow and frustration. We were cut off from seeing or contacting him, but we hoped he knew how much we cared for him.
Sensing my somber mood, Kit took the Santa decoration from me. She remembered how I always placed it low on the tree so she could play with it. To her, the flames shooting out from the sleigh resembled a scene from a movie. Like our foster children, Kit preferred watching “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” on Christmas Eve instead of attending church in the city.
Creating inclusive holiday traditions for our foster children was important to our family. We adjusted our Christmas dinner dates so the children could spend time with their families on Christmas and Boxing Day. Each child received a unique ornament to hang on the tree or keep as a memento when they left our home. This practice led to the Santa and reindeer ornament staying with me.
Uncovering a reindeer ornament made of pompoms and quirky decorations brought back memories of past Christmases. Dividing Christmas ornaments during a previous separation from my ex-husband reminded me of the importance of fairness and equity, even down to sharing two silly reindeer ornaments.
Kit holding the Rudolph ornament and expressing how its presence on the tree regardless of their location resonated with her struck a chord with me. Her perspective on our past divorce lessons caught me by surprise.
As we decorate the tree this year, I look forward to the joy and positivity my daughter brings, overshadowing any lingering sadness attached to the ornaments. I eagerly anticipate seeing her beautifully decorated tree.